An Immigration Problem Part 3: Invasion

"And what if a crime lord, paedophile or terrorist did try to get in to the country through Heathrow? Immigration wouldn't notice anyway- they would be too busy interrogating the MARRIED COUPLE in the corner trying to start their life together!" Read Part 1 Read Part 2 If you read the first 2 parts, by now you are aware of my ultimate disdain for immigration officials and their complete incompetence. So far I have only verbally assaulted the British kind, but the world over they seem to be an entirely different race or breed of humans- born without the essential neural transmitters needed to understand the most basic of social nuances. This is proved in the next example. 4 hours into our 'visit' with British immigration, an innocent Californian was sent over to the sin-bin. He was clearly confused, "I dunno man, I dunno why they need to interview me..." As we eavesdropped on his conversation with another poor woman stuck in Heathrow Hell, it soon became clear: "She asked me the purpose of my visit and all I said was, I dunno, just come to hang out and see your country..." That's right, that's the reason he was denied entry. Humourous as it is, it's also tragic. It's tragic that I believe a dog with a bag on it's head could to a better job than Heathrow Immigration. So what do we learn from this experience? Folks, if you really must come to this ugly country, whatever you do, don't tell them the truth, such as you want to learn new things, hang out, get married, enjoy life. It's not about the truth of your visit, it's a quiz. Basically the idea is to get the right answer- so here's the right answer: "Just visiting." That's all you need to say. They don't actually care if you have come to commit a crime, bomb a tube station, go into hiding. All they want to hear is "just visiting". The whole thing is a facade, a great big joke! The 7/7 bombers were BRITISH. Seriously, if an unknown mafia crime lord or potential terrorist were going to enter this country, don't you think that they would have all their papers, the right answers and background info ready. They would be the ones who had done all the research, everything in order so they got in without any problems? Even if there was a problem, they could simply wait for the next train through the Chunnel, and keep getting sent back, and keep trying till they eventually slipped through. And what if a crime lord, paedophile or terrorist did try to get in to the country through Heathrow? Immigration wouldn't notice anyway- they would be too busy interrogating the MARRIED COUPLE in the corner trying to start their life together! At least the Americans have got their priorities in order, but then, you have to question their logic. Anyone who has travelled to America in the last few years will know about the little green card that you must fill out pre-flight. A few security questions that go something like this: Do you intend to commit or aid an act of terrorism during the period of your stay in the United States? Do you intend to commit or aid a crime during the period of your stay in the United States? "Wait a second, oh yes, I was thinking of detonating a bomb and robbing an old lady whilst staying at the Carlton." Once again, a quiz, cleverly designed to catch out the most useless terrorist, or stupidest tourist, in the whole world. I'd like to know if anyone ever filled out a card and ticked "Yes". I heard this is for legal reasons- so they can prove you lied if you actually did get caught doing these acts. Yeah, all over America terrorists and criminals are walking away from court free, on a technicality that they admitted they were going to do it beforehand in a police questionnaire. Lawyer: "Sorry Judge, my client ticked the "Yes" box on the card!" Prosecution: "Damn, we just lost our case!" For those of you who have read through all 3 parts, and still want to visit this country. Check out the Virtual Tourist website, if I can't put you off, maybe they can.