Ulterior Verse of the Day: Romans 3:22-24

"We are made right in God's sight when we trust in the Pope to take away our sins. And we all can be saved in this same way, no matter who we are or what we have done. For everyone but the Pope have sinned; fallen short of the Popes' infallibility. Yet now the Pope in his gracious kindness declares us not guilty. He has done this through the ex Cathedra, on this occasion.." - Romans 3:22-24 NLT Is an apology a sign of admission of error? Depends on whether you are the Pope and you are speaking ex cathedra or not. Today's Ulterior Verse of the Day was inspired by an article from BBC Magazine. So is the Pope infallible, and just how infallible is he? It seems to me that you can be both infallible and fallible dualistically, depending on how many people or religious groups you offend. Some people may question a dichotomy such as this but I can see the benefits of such a theology. I've been dying to tell 18-35's Pastor how much his preaching sucks, and now I think I've found a way. Tags: Dark Side of the Light Christian Satire Bible Verse Pope Dichotomy Theology Sin Infallibility Ex Cathedra Add to del.icio.us

A Suggestion for the Venue of the next UN Summit

Finally there is hope world leaders will be able to find some common ground. This video is all that is needed for world peace. Tags: Dark Side of the Light Christian Satire UN Summit United Nations Male Restroom Etiquette World Peace World Leaders Add to del.icio.us

Test Case for Legalised Murder under Terror Laws

It turns out the execution shooting of Jean Charles De Menezes was a test case for the Met. "It is not about diminishing the tragedy of Charles de Menezes' death. We see it as a test case, not only for policing in London but for the police service nationally." - Commander Moir Stewart Gosh! Really? So did De Menezes know he was just being volunteered for a test case? What determines if the 'test' is successful? The way I see it for The Met, if this 'test case' is successful, they have a license to shoot anyone they like in the head, so long as it is in the name of terror. If unsuccessful, the public at least has the assurity that if they do get murdered killed they can make a Health & Safety claim. Tags: Dark Side of the Light Christian Satire De Menezes Metropolitan Police Stockwell Tube Killing Health and Safety Test Case Terrorism Add to del.icio.us

Hard Up?

Has this ever happened to you? Disaster falls on a friend, they come to you for help. You call a town meeting and in front of everyone you promise to help them out big-time financially. So they turn up one day to claim on that promise and you find yourself saying "Sorry but I'm a bit hard up at the moment, can we look at the figures again? Did I really promise that much?" Tags: Dark Side of the Light Christian Satire World Bank World Poor £50 Million Pledge Charities UK Giving Aid Add to del.icio.us

Repost: Governor Bush debates President Bush!

I'll let you draw your own conclusions from this one. A nod to The Gun-Toting Liberal for the heads-up... Tags: Dark Side of the Light Christian Satire Bush Vs Bush President John Stewart Gun Toting Liberal Neocon Neo Conservative Add to del.icio.us

Repost: Joan Jenkins has a Fantastic Opportunity!

A while ago I blogged about an email I received from Joan Jenkins (joan@pjjenks.com). I had received the email in response to my CV which I had not even uploaded to the internet. My post generated a lot of interest, I ranked quite high on google for search terms like "joan jenkins" and "pjjenks". I guess there were others like me, who had received this email and wondered what it was all about. Unfortunately www.pjjenks.com only rendered a blank page- so they had me to fill them in! The letter in brief promises: "...to to make you aware of a home based business opportunity with our company, which now operates in 62 countries around the world and which has been trading successfully for over 25 years in the Network Marketing Industry." (1) and they want you to know... "...this business opportunity, which is completely genuine..." (2) and urges you to "...reply to us on the above e-mail address and we will supply you with the detail required for you to fully research our offer." (3) I got home tonight and discovered that someone had left a fresh comment on that old post on my old abandoned blog. Even stranger, the comment sounded like something I've read before. I've added my own emphasis and referenced the original quotes above... "I responded to a similar advert - the best thing I ever did. (2) It's a genuine opportunity, requiring hard work and brings the rewards in line with effort. Would strongly urge people to (3) request further information in order to conduct their own research into a (1) multi-billion dollar listed company." - By Anonymous, at 5:27 Pm So I'm posting an open response to that anonymous commenter: Dear Joan, Thanks for leaving a comment on the blog I no longer update. I encourage you to comment here, as I am certain that googling your name will start to point people towards this blog. It sounds like a fine offer, unfortunately no-one seems to know what it is. May I advise taking some of those millions of dollars and at least investing in a website? I'm intrigued as to how a worldwide company operates 62 countries around the world without a website in this day and age. So, accepting your offer as real and genuine, as you say, I can only summise that the business you operate is: a) Mafia related b) Drug running c) People smuggling d) Arms trade e) 2 or more of the above Looking forward to hearing from you. You have my CV so you should find it quite easy to contact me. Tags: Dark Side of the Light Christian Satire ITM Politik Curriculum Vitae Resume Business Opportunity Joan Jenkins Job Spam Email Career PJJenks Add to del.icio.us

Repost: Don't Sh*t On Mecca

I was sent this link to BBC News this morning: "Facilities in a prison are being built so Muslim inmates do not have to face Mecca while sitting on the toilet... "...Faith leaders had told prison bosses it was unacceptable for Muslim inmates to face Mecca while using the toilet... ...The refurbishment has been carried out with due consideration for all faiths", a Home Office spokeswoman said..." If you ask me this is just a waste of your "freedom of religious expression". If it was me I'd be milking it for all I could get- "Sorry, these bars are facing the wrong way to my spiritual homeland, please move them" "My faith calls for me to do everything wearing no clothes for at least 5 hours a day" "Allah gets offended if I don't eat enough Ben & Jerry's" "My faith requires me to attend a cinema to pray at least twice a week" Still, we have to give them credit for toilets, I don't think anyone could top that idea! So is this asymmetrical warfare against plumbers or what? There's too many jokes in this and I've gone for the obvious, can you do any better? Leave a comment, that goes for all you lurkers... Tags: Dark Side of the Light Christian Satire BBC News Islam Mecca Prison Toilets Muslim Asymmetrical WarfareFaith Leaders Prisoners Home Office Add to del.icio.us

Repost: Another Day, Another Law Passed

"It is for this reason that Blair wants to introduce ID cards. He has already admitted that they do bugger all in the war against terror, but they do reassure the readers of the Daily Mail that "something is being done" about asylum seekers." - Kel, The Osterley Times Tags: Dark Side of the Light Christian Satire The Osterley Times Government Legislation Blair Daily Mail Add to del.icio.us

Repost: Time to Invest in Financial Education

NatWest announces steady profit rise. As reported by the BBC. Tags: Dark Side of the Light Christian Satire Bank Profit Student Debt NatWest Add to del.icio.us

Repost: Iranian Blogger gets past Censorship Barriers...

... Tells Story to World. Considering the censorship and lack of freedom of the media and the internet in Iran, blogs continue to flourish. The latest blogger to break through the censorship barrier, writes about growing up in Iran poor, Iranian government and it's history, and how he thinks it was a good idea to attack Saddam Hussein. As reported by the BBC.. Please visit Mahmood's blog and show your support for Iranian blogging. Tags: Dark Side of the Light Christian Satire Blogging Iran Iranian Blogging Freedom of SpeechMedia Censorship Democracy Dictatorship Amadinejad BBC Iran Government Saddam Hussein Add to del.icio.us

Repost: UK Threat Level: Critical

Following yesterdays suspected plot to blow up passenger planes bound for the US, the threat of Government introducing new legislation remains critical. "We should err on the side of caution," said John Prescott today. "however I want to assure the British public that I am currently running the country whilst Blair is on holiday and, so we can guarantee that no new legislation will be passed in the short term." Britain has suffered from a number of draconian legislation attacks from New Labour ever since they came into power. The most recent being the UK's Racial and Religious Hatred Act, dubbed 16/2 (16th February 2006). When questioned how long the critical threat level would continue, Prescott's answer was dubious, "We're possibly looking at least another 3-4 years". Tags: Dark Side of the Light Christian Satire UK Threat Level Critical Threat Legislation New Labour John Prescott Tony Blair Draconian Terrorism Add to del.icio.us

Repost: Garfield Lives!

Fans of Garfield worried by my last post: Is Garfield Dead? will be happy to know that some guy wrote in to Boing Boing to inform them he spoke to Jim Davis and the word is: Garfield is very much alive and well. Apparently Jim Davis wrote this story because "ghosts aren't scary". Well I have one thing to say, neither is being alone... it's depressing- and now I've got to find a way to shake the melancholy mood I was plunged into unnecessarily. Tags: Dark Side of the Light Christian Satire Garfield Death of Garfield Garfield Lives Jim Davis Add to del.icio.us

Repost: Gay Police Offend Religious Offenders

I've been trying to work out what it is that offends me about this advertisement that appeared in The Independent on 29th June 2006. The ad was placed by the Gay Police Association (GPA) in advance of Europride in London. Something about this ad was really getting on my nerves but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. After studying it hard for a long time, I found out what was irritating me so much: "in the name of the father" - They hadn't referenced their leading bible quote properly! I just hate it when people quote scripture and don't give you the address of where to find it! Oh well, I found a scripture that's equally useful: 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 Now before I'm accused of being a hater, I purposely left in verse 11 for the holier amongst us. I have no problem with the lifestyle choices of non-believers. (update: sorry if that bothers any Gay cops reading this, who are looking for more Christians to persecute). But I have to ask, why do the police need a GPA? I mean, what does your sexual preference have to do with your ability to do your job? When I was 15 I wanted to join the police, unfortunately I felt discriminated against as they didn't have an SLPA (Self-Love Police Association). Tags: Dark Side of the Light Christian Satire Gay Police Association Europride In The Name of the Father Gay Police Advert Bible Quote Religious Hate Police Complaints Self Love OffenceHate Crime Homophobia Add to del.icio.us

Repost: Church Goes to Desperate Lengths for Tithe...

The lack of tithing discipline in the Church of England has caused Clergy to take extreme measures. As reported by the BBC. Tags: Dark Side of the Light Christian Satire Tithe Tithing Church of England Clergy Cash Machines Add to del.icio.us

Repost: Is Garfield Dead?

Prepare for something really depressing. You're The Man Now Dog have produced a webpage dedicated to a cartoon strip of a Garfield storyline written by Jim Davis on 23-28 October 1989. These are the bona fide article! Set to the eerie music of The Twilight Singers track, "Bonnie Brae": Is Garfield Dead? The strip starts with Garfield waking up in a dark, cold abandoned house and his realisation that he is alone. It ends with the inference that Jon, Odie and everything else in Garfield's life is merely a mind trip brought on by denial: "An imagination is a powerful tool. It can tint memories of the past, shade perceptions of the present, or paint a future so vivid that it can entice...or terrify, all depending on how we conduct ourselves today... After years of taking life for granted, Garfield is shaken by a horrifying vision of the inevitable process called time. He has only one weapon...denial..." It's even discussed in the Wikipedia's Garfield article: "Garfield is playing out in his head to delude himself from realizing the dark turn his life has taken, as he slowly starves to death in an abandoned house". Thanks to Boing Boing for the background info on the music -which is absolutely mesmorising. Tags: Dark Side of the Light Christian Satire Garfield Death of Garfield YTMND Twilight Singers Bonnie Brae Add to del.icio.us

Repost: Playground Games

Very funny comment over at Right Hand of God. "In 'Cowboys & Indians,' they always made Ahmed play an Indian squaw. In 'Batman & Robin,' he was always Alfred. And in 'Global Islamic Jihad,' they always made him play America, the Great Satan." - RHOG - Ah, Youth! Whilst Arab children play flag-wearing, Israeli children prefer painting. Peace in the Middle East won't come from negotiations, bombing, fighting or International condemnation. It begins and ends in the playground. Tags: Dark Side of the Light Christian Satire Right Hand of God The Osterley Times Middle East Conflict Israeli Children Arab Children Islamic Jihad Playground Games Add to del.icio.us

Repost: Pentagon: Videos Give Wrong Impression War Is Violent

Apparently, the flood of videos being posted by soldiers, on websites like YouTube, Ogrish and Military.com, are giving a wrong impression that war is violent, bloody and barbaric. "Sites such as YouTube and Ogrish.com have hundreds or thousands of clips from soldiers, some set to rock music. At their most graphic, they show the aftermath of suicide bombings and gunfights between coalition forces and insurgents. Many include troops using foul language." - BBC News Online The Pentagon insists that this is simply not the case and these videos are damaging the reputation of the US Military, by depicting false images of people being killed and dying. "War is all about fun. The enemy don't really die, they simply pretend to be dead until we call the end of the game. Then it's their turn to pretend-shoot us. Everyone is happy, no one gets hurt because we're using blanks. When you see explosions happen, it's all staged like the movies. We would like people to stop propagating the myth that war is about killing, when in reality it's about love". - Pentagon Spokesperson Other sources are insisting that the videos are real and people are dying in the War Against Terror. But it's ok, says Ward Carroll of Military.com, because in the end, "we're not showing any videos of dead Americans or innocent bystanders." That's good because seeing a human being die doesn't really affect me as much as seeing a human being, who happens to be American, die. Tags: Dark Side of the Light Christian Satire War Against Terror Pentagon War VideosYouTube Ogrish.com Military BBC Add to del.icio.us

Job Opportunities

It seems Joan & Paul Jenkins aren't the only people to spot my talents and decide I would be a good addition to their company. I received the following email today: From: Vlan (email) Subject: re:your resume Hello. We have found your resume on Job web site(sic), and would like to offer you vacancy(sic) in our company. If you interests(sic), more detailed information you can receive on ours web site(sic): http://www.****.us/ ( please send us email(sic) for more information ) vacancymillermorgans@Go-Chargers.com We look forward to your reply. Thank you. Best regards, Miller & Morgans inc. Presumably literacy and grammar skills are not essential. This job spam is new to me, so I'm going to give it a name. From now on I shall refer to any job-offer spam as 'Jenkins' or 'Joan Jenkins' as in: "My inbox is just filled with Jenkins!" or "I got another email from Joan Jenkins today". Tags: Dark Side of the Light Christian Satire Joan Jenkins Paul Jenkins Vlan Curriculum VitaeResume Job Opportunity Go-Chargers Millar and Morgans Job Offer Spam Email Wars Add to del.icio.us

Repost: Yo Bush!

A candid conversation was overheard by the worlds press between President Bush and Prime Minister Blair when a microphone was left on at the G8 summit. Even though the conversation itself was nothing highly controversial, none-the-less it has caused quite a stir in the blogosphere: Yo Blair!: Overheard at the G8 President Bush caught on tape saying the word "shit" to UK Prime Minister Blair Why I Can't Hate Bush Dude, they gotta stop that sh*t Yo Blair!: Overheard at the G8 + Video Our Fearless Leader: "Yo, Blair - you outta here?" OK our Prime Minister sounded like a weasel, but I think he was just trying to use terms that the President knows. For instance 'International Commerce' contains two large words which might be difficult to understand so Blair simplified it to "trade thingy". Now Mr Bush knows what he's talking about. Speaking today, Prime Minister Tony Blair expressed much disappointment over the private conversation which was inadvertently broadcast to the entire world: "He didn't even mention the socks and matching underwear I bought him for Easter..." Tags: Dark Side of the Light Christian Satire G8 Bush Blair Yo Blair Sweater Blogosphere Trade Thingy President Prime Minister Politics Add to del.icio.us

Bloody Foreigners!

Interesting debate today over repatriation of foreign nationals who are suspected terrorists. Reading Blairs response to one question, I found an example of the mindset that the Prime Minister and many Sun readers have: "We have many people, I think almost 40, who are foreign nationals who are accused of terrorist offences or of plotting or inciting terrorism and their cases are going through the court. The hon. Gentleman is absolutely right to say that we have got to make sure that those court cases are successful." I am assuming a successful verdict means those who are judged guilty are guilty and those who are innocent, are judged innocent? I am glad that the Prime Minister is backing the court process and committed to seeing that real justice is served. I also hope that this means any of those foreign nationals discovered to be innocent are freed and given compensation. Speaking of foreigners, who the hell does this Australian think he is? Has Rupert Murdoch now been elected to represent the views of the British public? What gives him the right and the audacity to dictate to our politicians and influence our politics, when he is not even a citizen or resident of our country?! Are our politicians so blind as not see that Murdoch is holding our government to ransom?! I say let him withdraw his funding for the corrupt New Labour project, and ban him from donating to any other political party for that matter! Let's deport this illegal immigrant and his hate literature now! Tags: Dark Side of the Light Christian Satire

Gitmo Detainees - Happy to Hang!

Are we to believe the doctors verdict that they 'showed no sign of being depressed'? Locked up indefinitely and tortured, not being granted a fair trial? Yeah, wouldn't faze me either...Taken from the Independent: The three detainees - two Saudis and a Yemeni - were given psychological tests as a formality because they had recently participated in a hunger strike, including one who refused meals for 180 days. The military said they were found hanging in their cells from nooses fashioned from bed sheets. After the suicides, Admiral Harry Harris, the commander of the detention operation, called the deaths an act of "asymmetrical warfare" against the US military. "If you ask my opinion, I agree with the admiral that this was somewhat of a political statement," the doctor told reporters visiting the US naval base. I just love how any form of dissent, or just sheer desperation is labeled as "asymmetrical warfare". If we applied this logic consistently then these people are also guilty of asymmetrical warfare and so should be treated as (suspected) enemy combatants: Asymmetrical warfare against Derby Council Asymmetrical warfare against Croydon Council Asymmetrical warfare against bin men Asymmetrical warfare against Portugal Asymmetrical warfare against a train Back in April I blogged on the witch hunt taking place in America and the UK. I cannot think of a more trenchant example as Admiral Harris's statement. This War Against Terror that they have been feeding us for so long is about whipping up fear and paranoia. But I believe the American government used this to their advantage. It is already a know fact that Bush wanted to test American military power and attack Iraq long before 9/11. After 9/11 the administration milked it all they could, constantly re-affirming how the world had changed and how we were all now part of The War Against Terror. He suggested that American guards might have noticed the detainees sooner had the prison not been following International Red Cross recommendations, including how dark their cells should be at night. "If we did everything the Red Cross wanted, there would be very little that we could do to keep detainees alive short of putting them in a strait-jacket," he said."Every time we give them something to make their lives easier, they use it against us by trying to harm themselves." Since the deaths, the military is guarding against future suicides by only giving out bed sheets and blankets during sleeping hours and monitoring detainees in their cells every three minutes. It's nice to see they are showing concern for these human beings whilst conducting interviews. It's that pesky Red Cross again, always interfering and making our job of conducting TWAT difficult. How unreasonable is that, after going to all the trouble to detain these people against international law or any rights, they attack us by harming themselves? Here's a tip: You want to make their lives easier? GIVE THEM A FAIR TRIAL. Judge them guilty or release them! Any detainee thought to be a suicide risk is now placed in a restraining, green anti-suicide smock for 72 hours and given a psychological exam, he said. Oh yeah that's going to work... will it be the same doctor? "No signs of depression here, he can be taken off suicide watch". The doctor said there have been no suicide attempts since the deaths on 10 June, but there have been several incidents of detainees harming themselves, such as putting themselves with paint chips or beating their heads against walls. What, they're not thankful for being there after all the care and attention being given to them? Some people just don't get it. Tags: Dark Side of the Light Christian Satire

No CV? No Problem for Total Jobs

Total Jobs are definitely worth their salt. Yesterday I joined as a member but didn't have time to edit and post my CV (resume). But that minor detail didn't present any problems to Total Jobs, who got to work straight away to find me new opportunities (my emphasis added)... Dear Joan, Wow, what an amazing opportunity you present to me! You must have amazing powers of deduction to determine from my CV that I would be an ideal candidate for this position. Especially since I joined Total Jobs yesterday and have not even posted my CV yet! I checked out your url to which your email address is registered, which I assume is the official website of your company- www.pjjenks.com. The page is absolutely blank but for a "Welcome" title. This is surprising since you claim to be operating in 62 countries around the world" and successfully trading over 25 years. I would expect that such an established company would have at least one index page with some details about the company and details of this wonderful opportunity. I'm going to post this on my blog so that others who may be interested this business opportunity can also visit your website, read nothing about your company and submit their own imaginary CVs. Sincerely, Alex Fear -----Original Message----- From: Joan Jenkins [mailto:joan@pjjenks.com] To: Alex Fear Subject: In response to your CV Dear Alex We are responding to your internet resume which you posted on Total Jobs and would like to make you aware of a home based business opportunity with our company, which now operates in 62 countries around the world and which has been trading successfully for over 25 years in the Network Marketing Industry. Your CV has been selected as we believe you possess the necessary skills needed to start and run your own home business around your existing schedule. For this reason, the business opportunity outlined below may be of interest to you. Our proposal to you is probably different than you may have envisaged when you posted your resume. You would be working your own business, from home, around your existing schedule. You would earn an income commensurate with what you produce and not what a traditional corporate structure, politics or your educational background dictates. The advantages to this system are numerous:- - You eliminate the cost and time wasted by commuting - You spend more time with your family - Your income is not limited - You can potentially work fewer hours for more money - The company with which you will be associated is a leading member of the Direct Selling Association of the UK & Northern Ireland You don’t answer to a boss in a traditional corporate structure, but only to yourself. If you want to earn more, you can, simply by putting in more time and effort. You are master of your own destiny. There are also tax savings as many of your current expenses will become tax deductible. For example, your telephone, a portion of your rent or mortgage, your entertainment bill and many others. Clearly there are conditions, which must be met, in order to legally qualify for these tax breaks but with a home-based business the opportunity is available. This opportunity is also suitable for a second income earner in a household and can be worked by a mother around the needs of her children. All you need is your computer, an internet connection, to be hard working and teachable. We will show you step by step how to make that extra money. In spite of everything we have said above; this business opportunity, which is completely genuine, may not be appropriate for you and for this reason if you have no interest there is no further action to take. If, however, you are seriously looking for the chance to change your life completely then reply to us on the above e-mail address and we will supply you with the detail required for you to fully research our offer. We look forward to hearing from you Best regards Joan & Paul Jenkins Tags: Dark Side of the Light Christian Satire

Patron Saint of Sport

Tony Blairs pledge to become a patron of a London Community Sports club is near its deadline. At the time of this post he has 48 people signed up, 3 of which also signed up for a pledge to form a human chain around Westminster no protest zone (currently 1028 of 6000 signed up). Perhaps Tony will consider joining that pledge instead? Interest seems to have plateaued now, possibly due to speculation that it's merely a PR exercise. but some of the pre-(local) election comments are hilarious: "...the track record for sticking to pledges, even ones made in manifestos, isn't that great for Tony is it?" Duncan Drury at 12:33, Wednesday 5 April. "I plan to honour my pledge by building a website for the club and promoting them heavily via grass-roots PR. I am open to approaches from any club involved in any kind of sport, but they must be willing to understand that we will be playing a new game with new rules; my rules. I would require my adopted team to wear orange jumpsuits as their uniform *and* play while wearing iron shackles on their legs and bags over their heads. The training programme will be rigorous... it will push local, national and international laws to their limits and - when nobody's looking - it will go way beyond these petty constraints. Of course, officially, all training will be by the book. For example... no-one will actually drown as a result; they will merely enjoy the repeated sensation of drowning..." Tim Ireland at 00:26, Thursday 6 April. "Yes, I would rather the PM didn't bother, because if I were a member of a sport club that he became a patron of, I would leave it, and the same goes for Livingstone and Jowell" Sam Hayes at 23:21, Wednesday 5 April. Tags: Dark Side of the Light Christian Satire

Well Thought Out Concepts

June 1st - Accident Free Day That's right, the company I work for, Politico, has come up with this brilliant idea for tackling the high level of accidents that happen in our industry. Another fine example of a managers typical ineffective response to a real problem. I don't know about you but when I wake up in the morning, I always intend to have an accident-free day. Is it just me or do people go to work thinking, 'I'll have an accident this morning, then maybe another one just before the end of my shift'? See the problem with accidents is they're accidents! They're unplanned! How the hell do you go about planning an 'accident-free day'? Why stop at one day, why don't we just declare an 'Accident Free Day' everyday of the year? We'd save a heck of a lot of money on insurance and perhaps we'd be able to do away with all those premiums altogether! Politico Employee Survey Apparently we are one of the top organisations in the country. It's all down to this cleverly worded employee survey they put out a few months ago. Some of the responses included: 89% of you feel you have a secure future at the company. Meaning: I will not be promoted and I have no hope of finding a job elsewhere. 81% of you value the help that training provides. Meaning: If we were provided training it would be a help us do our jobs properly, rather than just relying on finding someone who knows how to do something. 79% of you feel fully involved in the company. Meaning: They call my mobile if I'm on holiday. 75% of you would recommend Politico to others as an employer... to avoid. Tags: Dark Side of the Light Christian Satire

The Da Vinci Code Ruined My Faith!

Ooooh Nooooo! Channel 5 will tomorrow expose the secret truth that I have tried to hide for 9 years as a born-again Christian! Supposedly this will rock the church and my faith.That's right folks, it was never about studying the bible, personal experience, spirituality, conviction, bible evidence, working for the community, prayer, social action, worship or fellowship. No, Gods purpose for the Church all along was to hide the fact and pretend that Jesus wasn't married.What will the Church do now? Surely the whole institution will collapse, millions of believers everywhere will be left disillusioned. We will soon here testimonies such as: "All my life there was something missing, I felt lost, confused and simply couldn't move on until the Church told me that Jesus was married. Now I have discovered they have lied, I am no longer a believer and I feel let down." "The knowledge that Jesus wasn't married helped me to beat my drug addiction and achieve my potential. All I can do now is go back to doing drugs." "Knowing that Jesus didn't have any kids helped me to turn from a life of crime. Now I don't know what I'll do... I guess I'll have to go back to mugging old ladies." So there you have it, 2000 years of careful scroll preservation, exposition, canonical scrutiny and debate, defeated by one, 500 year old painting.It doesn't stop there. Since the discovery of the disciple to the left of Jesus in The Last Supper is, in actual fact, a woman, further revelations have been uncovered simply by staring at the painting: Jesus was white with long hair. 1st Century Jews sat on chairs with square tables and table-clothes, like 15th Century Italians. 1st Century Jews wore clothes similar to Italians of the 15th Century. Jewish women in the 1st Century wore mens clothing. 1st Century Jerusalem was a beacon of 15th Century Italian architecture. So much for all that historical data and archeological discoveries, eh? Of course people who believe in the truth of "The Da Vinci Code" will be of sound mind. They will be rational and unbiased in their evaluation of the evidence. They will have read historical texts and alternative theories and come to their own conclusion. They have probably already read at least one of the following: The Case For Christ Mere Christianity Strong's Concordance The Bible But why waste time reading those heavy books, when you can simply visit Milan, look at a painting and make an intelligent decision. Tags: Dark Side of the Light Christian Satire